I know it may be lowbrow of me to write a blog entry around this somewhat disturbing practice, but there you have it. I'm a somewhat disturbing kinda guy.
I mean, there are a lot of questions surrounding it. Who is this man? Does he leave these in here because the strain of releasing his bowels draws such a large amount of blood from his brain that he forgets he brought them in in the first place? Is it this selfsame man who leaves shreds of toilet paper littering the ground, the toilet and the handy handlebar used by handicapped people to lower themselves onto the seat? Does he think about his audience when printing out an article from the New York Times? What is he trying to tell me with today's selection: Venturing Into the Mines of Uganda, in Search of the Marburg Virus?
Did I just contract a relative of the Ebola virus when I picked up this article from where it hung limply on the handicap bar? Why did I touch this article in the first place? Ye Gods, did he wipe before or after he placed the article back on the bar? Is there enough anti-bacterial soap in the world to get out, out this damned spot? Am I bat-shit crazy for thinking so much about a toilet article? Did I just purposely make a really awful pun linking toilets, craziness, shit, bats and this article? Would it detract from my brilliance if I had? For once, I have an answer. No, it would not.
However, I still wonder which man on this floor does this. I am sitting here, avoiding work as usual, pondering whether or not I should make a return trip to the bathroom and deposit my own stinking article on that handicap bar. What would this strange mystery man say to:
Craig: I did nothing 'inappropriate' in airport bathroom
and would that make me a creep or a comic genius?
Leave your flames and encouragement below!
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
See below.
I've been informed that my references to journalman and henry tilney are less than amusing so we'll try a few without them and see how it goes.
My excitement has dimmed somewhat since I discovered the Dragonlance movie, but that won't stop Rebecca and me from seeing it as soon as it comes outin theatres straight to DVD. I may even need to put on my wizard hat and gold face paint and really make a night of it. You better believe that as soon as I have a release date you will have a Google invitation to watch this lil' nugget of cinematic brilliance. Possibly a double-feature of Dragonlance and Dungeons and Dragons, just to really short-circuit your minds. Gosh, I might have just found my plans for the best night ever.
But alas, now I'm back to the real world of 'working' and not 'geeking out.' I've gotta say, work is wildly overrated. I've found you can really avoid most of it by doing something immediately when asked while the person is standing over your shoulder. Then, they just assume you're always working at hyper-speed and walk back to their desks marvelling at your ability to be the real life version of the Bionic Woman, minus the boobs.
Now if only I were actually a bionic man, maybe I could just pull coffee out of the replicator in my chest, rather than being forced to walk across the street to get it. God, that'd be fun. I bet it's that gross packet coffee though, and not real coffee.
Last night, my fragile psyche was subjected to an incredibly suspenseful movie called High Tension. Without giving anything away of the plot's twist...aliens. It's always aliens. Contact, Signs, Invasion, War of the Worlds, The Others. COOL IT WITH THE ALIENS, DAMNIT!
Anyway, it's not aliens. Buuut, AvP 2 is coming out. Tagline: In Space...No One Can Hear You Scream (been there don't that), On Earth...It Doesn't Matter.
...
REALLY?
Whoever wrote that should probably receive a concrete saw to the gut.
No, but really, the twist was pretty unsatisfying. Basically, The Village had a better twist. At least that movie made sense. High Tension was an enjoyable movie though. Very pulse-pounding.
I think that's all for now. Back later with more excitement about my life.
My excitement has dimmed somewhat since I discovered the Dragonlance movie, but that won't stop Rebecca and me from seeing it as soon as it comes out
But alas, now I'm back to the real world of 'working' and not 'geeking out.' I've gotta say, work is wildly overrated. I've found you can really avoid most of it by doing something immediately when asked while the person is standing over your shoulder. Then, they just assume you're always working at hyper-speed and walk back to their desks marvelling at your ability to be the real life version of the Bionic Woman, minus the boobs.
Now if only I were actually a bionic man, maybe I could just pull coffee out of the replicator in my chest, rather than being forced to walk across the street to get it. God, that'd be fun. I bet it's that gross packet coffee though, and not real coffee.
Last night, my fragile psyche was subjected to an incredibly suspenseful movie called High Tension. Without giving anything away of the plot's twist...aliens. It's always aliens. Contact, Signs, Invasion, War of the Worlds, The Others. COOL IT WITH THE ALIENS, DAMNIT!
Anyway, it's not aliens. Buuut, AvP 2 is coming out. Tagline: In Space...No One Can Hear You Scream (been there don't that), On Earth...It Doesn't Matter.
...
REALLY?
Whoever wrote that should probably receive a concrete saw to the gut.
No, but really, the twist was pretty unsatisfying. Basically, The Village had a better twist. At least that movie made sense. High Tension was an enjoyable movie though. Very pulse-pounding.
I think that's all for now. Back later with more excitement about my life.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Random Ramblings and...OMIGOD DRAGONLANCE MOVIE!?
Dearest Journalman,
I know it's been some time since we last spoke. Nay, 'tis been almost four whole months. Four months without my sweet nothings whispered tenderly in your ear. Four months shivering in cold darkness of your lonely, lonely soul with nary a breath of fresh air or a shaft of penetrating sunlight from my brow, which glistens with the sweat of my intellect. Four months, in short, of Hell. I feel your pain, or rather, I caused your pain and thus bask in it, drawing strength from your suffering, O Journalman. O, how I long for the days where I would post in ye once, twice, thrice, sometimes even thrice plus four times a day! Time flies when you're growing up, living in what passes for poverty among the middle class, working retail and then entering the real(ly boring) world of professionalism.
Yet you've been a constant rock, Journalman. The veritable St. Peter of my soul. Never-changing in your affections and unwavering in your steadfast solidarity.
Enough with the buttering up of my inner parliament, and onto the show: Per usual, I lack a topic for the day. It has been suggested by John Barleycorn that I write an entry about the posts I see all the time in the GameFAQ forums, but he ninja'd that one straight out of my cold, dead hands and I am left with nothing that is not there and the nothing that is.
I often miss the capacity to spout off quotes in the most obnoxiously erudite manner that I had in college. Time and lack of constantly being exposed to new poetry and novels have taken their toll on me...
On the other hand, who really cares? I'm moving on to new and better things, like my obsession du jour, www.allposters.com. I've spent the majority of my working day ($18/hr!) browsing movie posters on this website, in an attempt to find either a) new movies to netflix or b) movie posters of movies I have seen to put up in my new apartment with Tara and Jason. The best find of the day is clearly this:
I'm not usually one to fall for pulp-y posters and such, but this movie clearly cannot be anything but amazing. I mean, THIS is what Pathfinder should have been. Of course, Viking women (even scantily clad ones) do less for me than a big, sweaty Eomer, but we can't have everything. I can only hope that netflix has this movie and that I can somehow get my trembling hands on it before I'm forced to run around my apartment in rags, brandishing a spatula spear and making Amazon warrior calls, just to get my fix of bad movies. Not to go entirely off topic or anything, but can we all just note that Eomer played Caesar on Xena: Warrior Princess?? That's hot!
I may have to buy Xena on DVD. I know what you're all thinking. There goes Henry A. Tilney again, buying up DVDs of fantasy shows, but come on. Awesome. I wish Lucy Lawless had been in more stuff.
I'm sorry, can we BACK THE FUCK UP! JUST ONE SECOND!
In my IMDB perusal of Lucy Lawless' career, I just saw that she is providing the voice for Goldmoon in the animated feature film Dragonlance: Dragons of Autumn Twilight! I'm sorry, why did I not know about this!? If this is some sort of internet rumour, and is not real, I will cry. How awesome! and let's look at who they say is going to be doing voices!!!
Michael Rosenbaum - Tanis Half-Elven
Kiefer Sutherland - Raistlin Majere
Lucy Lawless - Goldmoon
Michelle Trachtenberg - Tika
I may die if this actually comes out. I think I'm actually TOO excited to write anything else about it. /end geek rant.
I know it's been some time since we last spoke. Nay, 'tis been almost four whole months. Four months without my sweet nothings whispered tenderly in your ear. Four months shivering in cold darkness of your lonely, lonely soul with nary a breath of fresh air or a shaft of penetrating sunlight from my brow, which glistens with the sweat of my intellect. Four months, in short, of Hell. I feel your pain, or rather, I caused your pain and thus bask in it, drawing strength from your suffering, O Journalman. O, how I long for the days where I would post in ye once, twice, thrice, sometimes even thrice plus four times a day! Time flies when you're growing up, living in what passes for poverty among the middle class, working retail and then entering the real(ly boring) world of professionalism.
Yet you've been a constant rock, Journalman. The veritable St. Peter of my soul. Never-changing in your affections and unwavering in your steadfast solidarity.
Enough with the buttering up of my inner parliament, and onto the show: Per usual, I lack a topic for the day. It has been suggested by John Barleycorn that I write an entry about the posts I see all the time in the GameFAQ forums, but he ninja'd that one straight out of my cold, dead hands and I am left with nothing that is not there and the nothing that is.
I often miss the capacity to spout off quotes in the most obnoxiously erudite manner that I had in college. Time and lack of constantly being exposed to new poetry and novels have taken their toll on me...
On the other hand, who really cares? I'm moving on to new and better things, like my obsession du jour, www.allposters.com. I've spent the majority of my working day ($18/hr!) browsing movie posters on this website, in an attempt to find either a) new movies to netflix or b) movie posters of movies I have seen to put up in my new apartment with Tara and Jason. The best find of the day is clearly this:
I'm not usually one to fall for pulp-y posters and such, but this movie clearly cannot be anything but amazing. I mean, THIS is what Pathfinder should have been. Of course, Viking women (even scantily clad ones) do less for me than a big, sweaty Eomer, but we can't have everything. I can only hope that netflix has this movie and that I can somehow get my trembling hands on it before I'm forced to run around my apartment in rags, brandishing a spatula spear and making Amazon warrior calls, just to get my fix of bad movies. Not to go entirely off topic or anything, but can we all just note that Eomer played Caesar on Xena: Warrior Princess?? That's hot!
I may have to buy Xena on DVD. I know what you're all thinking. There goes Henry A. Tilney again, buying up DVDs of fantasy shows, but come on. Awesome. I wish Lucy Lawless had been in more stuff.
I'm sorry, can we BACK THE FUCK UP! JUST ONE SECOND!
In my IMDB perusal of Lucy Lawless' career, I just saw that she is providing the voice for Goldmoon in the animated feature film Dragonlance: Dragons of Autumn Twilight! I'm sorry, why did I not know about this!? If this is some sort of internet rumour, and is not real, I will cry. How awesome! and let's look at who they say is going to be doing voices!!!
Michael Rosenbaum - Tanis Half-Elven
Kiefer Sutherland - Raistlin Majere
Lucy Lawless - Goldmoon
Michelle Trachtenberg - Tika
I may die if this actually comes out. I think I'm actually TOO excited to write anything else about it. /end geek rant.
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