Perquisites, or Why Some Words Should Die

While proofing a powerpoint deck (kill me, God) today, I came across the word 'perquisites,' which naturally I assumed was an idiot's misspelling of pre-requisites, so I highlighted it and moved on with my day, feeling a little bit better about myself in the process.

Upon giving this expertly noted adjustment to the original author of the .ppt (I should be shot), I was informed that this word (Yes, Virginia, this is sadly a word. [ed. note: I f'ing like punctuation in parentheses, despite what the nazis over at the fracking Elements of English Grammar would have you believe]) is the original source of the commonly used word 'perk,' as in, 'My job has sweet perks, like hookers at the Christmas party and free booze on Fridays!' I'm sorry...

PERQUISITES? That is the stupidest f'ing word I have ever heard in my ENTIRE life, coming a close second to 'nite,' 'brite,' 'lite,' and 'rite,' the creators of which I sincerely hope are stuck headfirst into Cocytus with their toes being gnawed on by evil grammaticians.

Now, I'm not only humiliated for having incorrectly spotted a spelling error, but deeply and irrevocably disturbed at the fact that 'perquisites' even exists and will forever be a part of my lexicon, no matter how many bloody bloody marys I down in the hopes of burning it out of my brain with vodka and worcestershire sauce.

At the end of the day though, I can still (though with new difficulty) hold my head high, knowing that the beeyotch still spelled 'the' as 'th' and used the word 'area' twice in one sentence, when the first 'area' should have been 'candidate,' which is totally not at all related to 'area' and thus HA HA HA.

That's my perquisite for the day! Because if that's not a privilege or profit incidental to my regular salary or wages, I don't know what is.