I'm sitting here once more, bored to tears of pain and frustration, willing the world to turn just a lil' bit faster (harder, better and stronger can wait). Alas, I cannot actually move things with my mind. This morning on the train, I thought how useful it would be to be able to mentally hold onto the handrail and how other people would react to seeing someone able to stand utterly motionless while the train attempted to derail itself, but then I realized that in my little daydream, my hair was long and red and I was a sexy woman named Jean. I woke up from that dream real quick, as John Travolta would say.
I'd be such a bad columnist for a newspaper. I never understood how Carrie Bradshaw always had a topic every week of that Sex and the City show. I guess having a team of writers do it for you must help a bit, but still. People do that shiz all the time. I just get bored and thus blog; I rarely have something meaningful to share with you, my loyal non-readers.
But having just heard a cop siren, I did think of one thing to tell you. Last night, I had the "pleasure" of watching the new Rob Zombie remake of Halloween. Now, I won't get into the details of why it shouldn't have been remade in the first place, but I did have a bit of a quibble with his atrocious dialogue. I mean, this man writes like an ADD 12-year old with the mouth of a really disgusting 30-year old. There are only so many times I can hear the words "slut" "whore" "cunt" "faggot" "bitch" "ass" and "cum" from the mouths of children before the totally unnecessary shock value wears off. I mean, ok, so Regan in The Exorcist said "your mother sucks cocks in hell" and "Let Jesus fuck me," but it was somewhat spread out and she sounded like a demon when she said it. All of this adds to a disturbing and shocking movie experience. Zombie's film has so much over-the-top profanity that it is completely and utterly meaningless. You don't feel like these people are disturbed for having said these things; you just think they have nothing to say but filth. Basically, they watched ntohing but Rob Zombie films growing up and this is the product. BORING! Also, Rob, your teenaged girl characters are so far from believable when they refer to cops as bacon and to cop cars as Baconmobiles. Guys call cops bacon; I've yet to meet a girl who does, certainly not a girl who looks like that.
Come to think of it, maybe he should remake the Exorcist! It'll be even MORE disturbing if the priest and Regan's mom sit down to talk about her and the dialogue goes something like this:
Father Karras: "Mrs. MacNeil, your daughter is fucking crazy like a drunken slut on PCP."
Chris MacNeil: "Fuck off, Father Fuckface. My fucking daughter needs your help, asswipe, so stop your fucking bitching over that whore of a mother you had and get to exorcizing, slut! Or can't your faggot ass even do that, you inept little bitch."
Father Karras: "Cunt."
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I think it's comic gold.
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1 comment:
Why can't girls say "bacon"? That's retarded, Jon.
Other than that, I agree with your opinion on Zombie's dialogue. I wrote this, Nov 10, 2005:
An English teacher once told me that if you use obscenities less, or not at all, when they are used, the impact returns, because usually listeners are numb to their effects. Rob Zombie must not have had the same English teacher—this film is bathed in the F-word, and while I have no personal objection to that word, when it’s used every-other sentence, every-other word, it becomes tiresome and loses its effect completely. At times the script sounded like a 13-year-old had written it with the express purpose of drenching it with Fuck.
Final Girl posted a lengthy post about remaking The Exorcist. Funny stuff.
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