Google Image Search of the Day - July 29, 2009

WHEREIN THE STAGE IS SET AND THE REFINED FRENCH WHORES REPOSE

Greetings, children. Welcome to today's installment of "Google Image Search of the Day." I'm uncertain whether I should include the word in the title or not...maybe it doesn't actually matter. Originally, the intended word was "ribald," [is that right? comma before the quotation mark?] because I was thinking of a word that started with 'ri' and then I thought 'riffin' so I went to Merriam-Webster and searched for 'riffin' and then I saw 'raffine'. Raffine, of course, means "refined: sophisticated," which would have been a fine word, but it's French and you know how uppity Americans get about the French. (I love 'em, though. So much butter and fat and deliciousness.) So then I thought, "Hey, Jon. The French are slutty, right? There were whorehouses in Moulin Rouge, so they must be pretty RIBALD!" For a brief moment in time, "ribald" was the word of the day, but a quick Google Image Search of "ribald" turned up a lot of pendulous bosoms. This wouldn't usually be a problem, given that the subtitle of my blog is pretty ribald itself, but I'm at work damnit. Scribbling this off between emails is bad enough without having pictures of pinups on my computer screen.

After discarding "ribald" as a possibility, I naturally decided to settle upon "quiescent."

1 : marked by inactivity or repose : tranquilly at rest

2 : causing no trouble or symptoms <quiescent gallstones>

Besides the fact that the example phrase is "quiescent GALLSTONES," [WTF, Jeeves?] it seemed like a pretty innocuous word, one that skips through quiescent meadows hand in paw with bunnies riding on the backs of majestic unicorns. I actually got a bit excited to see what sort of images I might find. After all, how bad could it be?

CONSEQUENTLY, HE DISCOVERS HITHERTO UNPLUMBED DEPTHS OF WRONGNESS WITHIN THE INTERWEBS

Rather than delving directly into the mouth of madness, I shall begin with an image I'll ask you to meditate on for a few moments before continuing.

Drink in the peaceful stillness of the water, the sunlight shining through the trees. Sometimes in our bustling, empty lives of corporate greed, we need to slough off our doldrums and sip from a steaming mug of quiescence. Hold fast to your sanity.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?! I suddenly feel anything but peaceful and reposed, unless by reposed, you mean dead from murder by whatever the hell that thing is. Now I'm a pretty open-minded guy, or so I like to think, and if we were friends and you were like, "Hey, dude, I'm an artist and I'd love to show you my stuff," I would totally listen and give constructive feedback wherever possible. If, on the other hand, you showed me this, I might seriously have to consider ending our friendship ASAP. This lovely image comes to us courtesy of The Raster Group, whatever that is. The artist who submitted this also had two other images close by, one of which was titled "Happy Time" and was definitely a demon clown inside an insane asylum. I kind of want to shake Kaos' (the artist) hand. Well done, you sketched me the hell out. His/her pictures seem like the natural progression of this artist who hung his stuff at Ula Cafe for a while. They were photographs from inside abandoned Massachusetts Mental Hospitals and they were creeeeeepy. I think if the two of them got together and maybe tried making another Silent Hill Movie, they could be in business.

That's a sweet mask, bra. So I get it. Kid was wearing a crazy monkey mask, probably ran around creeping his parents out with some loud screeching and ooh-ooh-ahh-ahh noises, maybe even broke a vase or two. Mom yells, "Zachary Isaiah Plimpton! Cut that out right now. Time out in the chair, and take that damn mask off before your father sees it!" Zachary slinks over to the wall, subdued from being shouted at. He mutters, "ZIP it, woman!" and chuckles at his little joke. He leaves the mask on because he feels there is something shameful about sitting on black leather completely naked. If he can't be Simba, he'll at least be Rafiki.

Or maybe this is just an advertisement for Saw VIII. Creepy.

IN WHICH ANIME RESTORES THE DELICATE VEIL BETWEEN INSANITY AND GENIUS

And what post about "quiescence" would be complete without an anime inspired drawing! Don't ask how those two thoughts are remotely connected. Just accept it.

I don't even know who that is supposed to be, but she's wearing a schoolgirl uniform and asking me to grab her hand (with feeling)! I suppose her half-lidded eyes are supposed to be where "quiescence" comes from, but I'm starting to feel like the word is mostly used by emo kids for their art projects. There's nothing wrong with that, though. All words have their place.

And so it goes, and so it goes, our lesson has concluded, gentle readers. I trust you will return, and not sporadically.