Here's an impression for you, loyal readers of this here blog: This game is shit.
I mean, really awful. So bad that you are literally (and figuratively, if that is even possible) better off renting Xanadu and dancing around your apartment like a freak on speed than renting this game and hoping for more than the easy 10 achievement points gathered from the first stage, along with a healthy dose of boredom. Ok, so I perservered through the second stage (in hopes of getting more Gamerscore), but while I held out through two (count 'em, two!) playthroughs of Eternal Sonata, I seriously could not bring myself to continue with this game. It was insanely laggy, as though I was playing online in a dial-up connection, even though it was single player and not online. And when the Xbox can barely run your totally mediocre game, something is horribly horribly wrong.
Beyond the lag that made my army stutter across the screen, the game was just plain boring as all hell. I was bored, my roommates were bored, even my Xbox360 was emitting a high-pitched plaintive wail, begging me to release it from the torment of running this game. Or maybe that was just the bastardized version of the excellent LOTR soudntrack, crying into its milk. At the end of the second stage, a "Watcher" rose up from the ground to assault my army. It was a giant squid thing (like the one outside of the Mines of Moria in the first movie) and apparently it summoned a lake with it when it rose from the depths of a snowy mountain. Riiight. Regardless, I was clearly meant to use archers to attack it, as it had flailing limbs that threw any of my foot soldiers across the screen if they got remotely close to it. Unfortunately, there was almost no way to tell the archers from the foot soldiers because the screen was so ridiculously jumbled, and even when I did, I am not sure there was even a way to select all of my archers to make them attack it. What I ended up having to do was move all my guys far enough away that the foot soldiers stopped committing suicide and the archers got bored and moved forward automatically to shoot the squid. Ghey. What's the point of me playing if I have to manipulate the AI to play?
So, I finished the first two stages, getting the achievements for completing all objectives for each stage, plus the one for buying my first power. 15 points and the game took 5 days to get to me. OMG GameFly, sometimes you make it so easy to hate you. I went and wrote a bad review of the game so that others are not suckered in by that 6.7 rating I saw. 6.7 my lily white ass.
Here's to the next game being better. Oh wait, it's DMC4 (for xbox 360 this time!!). Of course it will be better.
P.S. - My boss thinks I'm hot.
Showing posts with label video games. Show all posts
Showing posts with label video games. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Impressions: Eternal Sonata
I know I promised a while back that I would post my impressions of this game when I finished it, and while I did finish it a few weeks back, I have not yet managed to get 1000 gamerpoints from it. Damn you, New Game +!
Anyhoo, I'll go ahead and post what my thoughts are, since the encore mode doesn't add anything new to it. Darn, I just realized that I had totally begun writing a post the other week about gamerscore and Eternal Sonata and then forgotten about it in the blur of a bunch of Japanese people taking over my every waking moment. Now that's over, I find myself to be not quite as un-busy as I suspected I would be. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, the farmer next door always used to tell me.
Regardless, Eternal Sonata. So, I got this game probably 2 months ago now from Gamefly, the greatest invention since Netflix. Ok, well it would be if things did not take like a week to ship to me and if they ever gave me the game I actually wanted rather than things I added months ago, on a whim, like Dragon Quest Monsters: Joker. WTFBBQ, I say to that? Why did that ever look appealing to me? My least favorite part of Dragon Quest VIII was the whole monster trainer aspect of it. Ghey. Anyhoo, sent that shit back.
So I get this game and decide to delve into the lovely world of JRPGs. I think this may be my first super Japanese JRPG. I mean, sure, I played Chrono Trigger/Cross and all of the Final Fantasy games, but they aren't quite as insane as this game is. Close, but not quite.
First of all, its premise centers around Chopin dying in his bed of good ol' Consumption. (Side note #1: No one ever looks sick in the game. They are all healthy looking six-twelve year olds.) As Choppy dies, his mind transports to a mystical, cel-shaded world where the terminally ill are granted magical powers. (Side note #2: There is never any explanation of why this is or what it accomplishes. Most interesting about this is that those who can't use "magic" can still, say...shoot arrows into the sky that rain down and heal your group. Or swing a giant 40' sword that has green-glowing chains hanging off of it. Not magical at all.) So Choppy insists that the world is all a dream, and naturally, in the end, it pretty much turns out that it is a dream and he simply needed to accept death in order for the dream to continue on without him. Of course!
So the chapters in the game are named after famouse Chopin pieces. (i.e. - Raindrops, Revolution, Fantasie-Impromptu, etc.) At either the intro or the end of each chapter is basically a slideshow presentation on the period in Chopin's life during which he wrote the piece that accompanies said chapter. This slideshow includes images of various locales in France (where he lived), Poland (where he was from), Austria (where he went to school) and Spain (where he died). I'll take a moment to note here that prior to playing this game, I knew absolutely nothing of Chopin and have not even gone and researched him on his wikipedia page. (Side Note #3: I totally want to do this now, but I'll wait so that my knowledge of his life in this post is based solely on what I learned in the game.) During this slideshow each chapter, the piece is played while subtitles explain what they believe his mental state to have been while he wrote it. For instance, Chapter 2--"Revolution"--in the game is about the main cast of characters going to visit Count Waltz (the big bad) to get him to stop raping the environment and his people (figuratively). In reality, Chopin wrote Revolutionary Etude while at school in Vienna in response to the revolution going on in his homeland. He was always a sickly child and felt a strong connection to the freedom fighters of his homeland. He wrote the piece as a show of his support for them, despite his physical incapabilities.
Now, Chopin's music (as I discovered over the course of the game), hardly needs a personal history for you to feel his emotions through it. A tribute, I suppose, to his insane musicianship. His pieces are brilliantly evocative in and of themselves, but I must say, it's nice to be able to understand a little more about where he was coming from.
The best part for me, is that this was explained to me through a video game. And at that, a JRPG that has some of the cheesiest plot and characters evs. I just can't really picture the last time a video game taught me anything. Well anything of factual reality.
Anyway, it compelled me to go buy an Essential Chopin cd on iTunes, to which I am currently listening. I always talk about wanting to get acquainted with other composers and such, but find it difficult to go out and just blindly buy something of theirs and get into it. Maybe this sort of game would work well to get the average person interested in amazing music. Chopin has the benefit of composing solely for the piano, so there's a lot less happening at the same time than in orchestral music. At the same time, the piano is second only to the voice in my opinion for conveying emotion. All in all, I encourage anyone to at least give the game a try. I realize I didn't write about gameplay at all, but it's actually pretty nice. The battle system is quick and efficient, not wasting any time with unneccesary loading times and it evolves over the course of the entire game up until the very, very end. So at least it always stays fresh and interesting that way. There are far worse ways to spend 20+ hours, and you always have Chopin.
Anyhoo, I'll go ahead and post what my thoughts are, since the encore mode doesn't add anything new to it. Darn, I just realized that I had totally begun writing a post the other week about gamerscore and Eternal Sonata and then forgotten about it in the blur of a bunch of Japanese people taking over my every waking moment. Now that's over, I find myself to be not quite as un-busy as I suspected I would be. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, the farmer next door always used to tell me.
Regardless, Eternal Sonata. So, I got this game probably 2 months ago now from Gamefly, the greatest invention since Netflix. Ok, well it would be if things did not take like a week to ship to me and if they ever gave me the game I actually wanted rather than things I added months ago, on a whim, like Dragon Quest Monsters: Joker. WTFBBQ, I say to that? Why did that ever look appealing to me? My least favorite part of Dragon Quest VIII was the whole monster trainer aspect of it. Ghey. Anyhoo, sent that shit back.
So I get this game and decide to delve into the lovely world of JRPGs. I think this may be my first super Japanese JRPG. I mean, sure, I played Chrono Trigger/Cross and all of the Final Fantasy games, but they aren't quite as insane as this game is. Close, but not quite.
First of all, its premise centers around Chopin dying in his bed of good ol' Consumption. (Side note #1: No one ever looks sick in the game. They are all healthy looking six-twelve year olds.) As Choppy dies, his mind transports to a mystical, cel-shaded world where the terminally ill are granted magical powers. (Side note #2: There is never any explanation of why this is or what it accomplishes. Most interesting about this is that those who can't use "magic" can still, say...shoot arrows into the sky that rain down and heal your group. Or swing a giant 40' sword that has green-glowing chains hanging off of it. Not magical at all.) So Choppy insists that the world is all a dream, and naturally, in the end, it pretty much turns out that it is a dream and he simply needed to accept death in order for the dream to continue on without him. Of course!
So the chapters in the game are named after famouse Chopin pieces. (i.e. - Raindrops, Revolution, Fantasie-Impromptu, etc.) At either the intro or the end of each chapter is basically a slideshow presentation on the period in Chopin's life during which he wrote the piece that accompanies said chapter. This slideshow includes images of various locales in France (where he lived), Poland (where he was from), Austria (where he went to school) and Spain (where he died). I'll take a moment to note here that prior to playing this game, I knew absolutely nothing of Chopin and have not even gone and researched him on his wikipedia page. (Side Note #3: I totally want to do this now, but I'll wait so that my knowledge of his life in this post is based solely on what I learned in the game.) During this slideshow each chapter, the piece is played while subtitles explain what they believe his mental state to have been while he wrote it. For instance, Chapter 2--"Revolution"--in the game is about the main cast of characters going to visit Count Waltz (the big bad) to get him to stop raping the environment and his people (figuratively). In reality, Chopin wrote Revolutionary Etude while at school in Vienna in response to the revolution going on in his homeland. He was always a sickly child and felt a strong connection to the freedom fighters of his homeland. He wrote the piece as a show of his support for them, despite his physical incapabilities.
Now, Chopin's music (as I discovered over the course of the game), hardly needs a personal history for you to feel his emotions through it. A tribute, I suppose, to his insane musicianship. His pieces are brilliantly evocative in and of themselves, but I must say, it's nice to be able to understand a little more about where he was coming from.
The best part for me, is that this was explained to me through a video game. And at that, a JRPG that has some of the cheesiest plot and characters evs. I just can't really picture the last time a video game taught me anything. Well anything of factual reality.
Anyway, it compelled me to go buy an Essential Chopin cd on iTunes, to which I am currently listening. I always talk about wanting to get acquainted with other composers and such, but find it difficult to go out and just blindly buy something of theirs and get into it. Maybe this sort of game would work well to get the average person interested in amazing music. Chopin has the benefit of composing solely for the piano, so there's a lot less happening at the same time than in orchestral music. At the same time, the piano is second only to the voice in my opinion for conveying emotion. All in all, I encourage anyone to at least give the game a try. I realize I didn't write about gameplay at all, but it's actually pretty nice. The battle system is quick and efficient, not wasting any time with unneccesary loading times and it evolves over the course of the entire game up until the very, very end. So at least it always stays fresh and interesting that way. There are far worse ways to spend 20+ hours, and you always have Chopin.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Mass Effect, Part 1
Howdy partners,
I figured I would just keep a lil' diary to bring everyone up to speed on my progress through Mass Effect and the elaborate universe within.
Just a few short days ago, I surpassed where I had been previously in the game--just about to finish up the Citadel section. This was good, as I had seen this first bit played as both a Paragon (goody-two-shoes) and Renegade (giant evil ho), so I wanted to see what happened next. New space dramz!
And boy, oh boy, did I get space dramz! After basically re-creating the woman I had made on Brennon's Xbox (only hotter, and with red lipstick...and evil), I toyed with the idea of pursuing hottie Kaidan, but then decided that obvs lesbian sex would be superior, especially if that Fox newscast was right and I could decide exactly what each person did to the other! Hot sexy minigame! So I nipped Kaidan in the bud and told him to keep his personal feelings to his damn self cause I was having NONE OF IT! None, you hear me? And since my character is a full biotic and Liara (the lesbian alien wench!) is a full biotic, I decided I needed some combat strength to fight the hordes of aliens and eeeevil machines I was sure to face on my galactic travels. Thus, I brought along a little woman named Ashley.
Ashley was totally miscast in the voice acting. She should have been voiced by Wanda Sykes. And I'll tell you why, reader-folk. Because Ashley has a (totally incredible) habit of proclaiming, "Daaaamn!" just the way Wanda Sykes does. It's amazing. Plz go buy this game right now if you don't own it, so that you too can be amused by shouting, "Daaaamn! Commanda' Shepahd! That alien's face is whack!" And in most instances, it's true. That alien's face probably is pretty darn whack. Also, Ashley is a total butch and loves to chime in while my evil ho is talking by pointing her gun at people and saying, "You want a bullet through the head? Back down!" You tell 'em,Soulja Boy Wanda!
In other Mass Effect news, my lesbian relationship with Liara is progressing nicely. I'm afraid to snub her by being my typical evil self, so I play it totally nice only with her, and then on the side, manipulate people into killing one another. It's actually quite fun when you get the hang of it, though I had reservations at first, cause my ho is REALLY mean. She constantly tells people to shut the hell up and give her money and has (once or twice) brutally murdered someone who dared oppose her.
Liara though, is a lovely woman who stands really close to me and says how much it means to her that I saved her sorry ass on that crumbling ruin. Plz. When does mama get some lovin'?
I'm almost done with my second main mission since leaving the Citadel and you know what that means! Well, maybe you don't. But it means that I get to have another conversation to bring me one step closer to finding the lesbian within, and that's never a bad thing. I want my character to be able to appreciate the wonders of the female anatomy, not run screaming from it.
Achievements so far: 75 pts. Pretty pathetic, to be sure, but it's a start. I haven't yet gotten to Two Worlds, which will no doubt be a frolic in the land of suck, but I'm seasoned at that game now. With luck, someone has found new ways to cheat and make it easier to get the achievements. I don't relish the idea of playing through it for another go, because the first go...pretty bad. Maybe they patched it and fixed the bugginess. Who knows!?
Stay tuned for part two, in which I save some more stupid aliens, kill some more stupid machines and come closer to unraveling a mystery that will change the course of the game...forever!
I figured I would just keep a lil' diary to bring everyone up to speed on my progress through Mass Effect and the elaborate universe within.
Just a few short days ago, I surpassed where I had been previously in the game--just about to finish up the Citadel section. This was good, as I had seen this first bit played as both a Paragon (goody-two-shoes) and Renegade (giant evil ho), so I wanted to see what happened next. New space dramz!
And boy, oh boy, did I get space dramz! After basically re-creating the woman I had made on Brennon's Xbox (only hotter, and with red lipstick...and evil), I toyed with the idea of pursuing hottie Kaidan, but then decided that obvs lesbian sex would be superior, especially if that Fox newscast was right and I could decide exactly what each person did to the other! Hot sexy minigame! So I nipped Kaidan in the bud and told him to keep his personal feelings to his damn self cause I was having NONE OF IT! None, you hear me? And since my character is a full biotic and Liara (the lesbian alien wench!) is a full biotic, I decided I needed some combat strength to fight the hordes of aliens and eeeevil machines I was sure to face on my galactic travels. Thus, I brought along a little woman named Ashley.
Ashley was totally miscast in the voice acting. She should have been voiced by Wanda Sykes. And I'll tell you why, reader-folk. Because Ashley has a (totally incredible) habit of proclaiming, "Daaaamn!" just the way Wanda Sykes does. It's amazing. Plz go buy this game right now if you don't own it, so that you too can be amused by shouting, "Daaaamn! Commanda' Shepahd! That alien's face is whack!" And in most instances, it's true. That alien's face probably is pretty darn whack. Also, Ashley is a total butch and loves to chime in while my evil ho is talking by pointing her gun at people and saying, "You want a bullet through the head? Back down!" You tell 'em,
In other Mass Effect news, my lesbian relationship with Liara is progressing nicely. I'm afraid to snub her by being my typical evil self, so I play it totally nice only with her, and then on the side, manipulate people into killing one another. It's actually quite fun when you get the hang of it, though I had reservations at first, cause my ho is REALLY mean. She constantly tells people to shut the hell up and give her money and has (once or twice) brutally murdered someone who dared oppose her.
Liara though, is a lovely woman who stands really close to me and says how much it means to her that I saved her sorry ass on that crumbling ruin. Plz. When does mama get some lovin'?
I'm almost done with my second main mission since leaving the Citadel and you know what that means! Well, maybe you don't. But it means that I get to have another conversation to bring me one step closer to finding the lesbian within, and that's never a bad thing. I want my character to be able to appreciate the wonders of the female anatomy, not run screaming from it.
Achievements so far: 75 pts. Pretty pathetic, to be sure, but it's a start. I haven't yet gotten to Two Worlds, which will no doubt be a frolic in the land of suck, but I'm seasoned at that game now. With luck, someone has found new ways to cheat and make it easier to get the achievements. I don't relish the idea of playing through it for another go, because the first go...pretty bad. Maybe they patched it and fixed the bugginess. Who knows!?
Stay tuned for part two, in which I save some more stupid aliens, kill some more stupid machines and come closer to unraveling a mystery that will change the course of the game...forever!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Thoughts on Atonement
So the kids and I saw Atonement last night because the Lowes at Boston Common randomly decided to stop airing No Country for Old Men. Whatevs, Javier Bardem! Manbob.
I've been rather strongly resisting going to see this movie, despite loving the first (and only) Ian McEwan book I read, Saturday. I mean, that novel was delightfully intelligent and his prose is incredible, but this movie stars Kiera Knightley. Typically...not the biggest KK fan. She's got that whole Zoolander face going on and tends never to eat, which bothers me a bit. But she actually looks quite beautiful in this movie, and were I inclined towards cross-dressing, I'd be very jealous that I don't own her fantastic green dress. Hot mama. And come on, sex against the stacks, amazing.
So anyhoo, saw that movie last night, which far surpassed my expectations of it. I get the feeling, just from having read Saturday, that they probably upped the schmaltz factor, but they might not have. It just seems that epic love story ain't really his bag. If it is, then kudos to McEwan for being very versatile. Yay him. It's shot wonderfully as well, with lots of focus on the characters' eyes. Appropriate, given the point of the movie. I'm glad I didn't have the ending ruined for me ahead of time, because it had quite an impact as you're watching and suddenly Vanessa Redgrave graces the screen. Seeing her in this and Evening (which was fairly crappy all and all) still makes me want to go rent everything she's been in. I think she's gorgeous and her eyes are wicked, plus she's got some hardcore acting chops on her.
Saoirse Ronan is nominated for Best Supporting Actress for this film, which in a year without the much-lauded performance by Cate Blanchett would pretty much be a shoe-in given how much the Academy loves to give that award to debutantes. Still though, she was very impressive for such a young woman. I keep trying to write what was so great about her performance, but I can't really find the words for it. She just managed to take the part (which, admittedly, was great) and invest it with even more depth and complexity, but all in a very subdued sort of way. Very awesome, and worth seeing the movie if only for her.
That's about all I've got for Atonement at the moment.
In other news, it's Valentine's Day, so enjoy that all of you with peeps. I will be enjoying it with some gym action (the workout kind), some Xbox360 purchasing action, and a giant heart-shaped brownie courtesy of TBell. And maybe an episode or two of Lost. And maybe five hours of Mass Effect once everyone goes to bed. I need to work on buffing up my gamerscore from scratch. Sad day! It'll be good times though.
Til next time, kids.
I've been rather strongly resisting going to see this movie, despite loving the first (and only) Ian McEwan book I read, Saturday. I mean, that novel was delightfully intelligent and his prose is incredible, but this movie stars Kiera Knightley. Typically...not the biggest KK fan. She's got that whole Zoolander face going on and tends never to eat, which bothers me a bit. But she actually looks quite beautiful in this movie, and were I inclined towards cross-dressing, I'd be very jealous that I don't own her fantastic green dress. Hot mama. And come on, sex against the stacks, amazing.
So anyhoo, saw that movie last night, which far surpassed my expectations of it. I get the feeling, just from having read Saturday, that they probably upped the schmaltz factor, but they might not have. It just seems that epic love story ain't really his bag. If it is, then kudos to McEwan for being very versatile. Yay him. It's shot wonderfully as well, with lots of focus on the characters' eyes. Appropriate, given the point of the movie. I'm glad I didn't have the ending ruined for me ahead of time, because it had quite an impact as you're watching and suddenly Vanessa Redgrave graces the screen. Seeing her in this and Evening (which was fairly crappy all and all) still makes me want to go rent everything she's been in. I think she's gorgeous and her eyes are wicked, plus she's got some hardcore acting chops on her.
Saoirse Ronan is nominated for Best Supporting Actress for this film, which in a year without the much-lauded performance by Cate Blanchett would pretty much be a shoe-in given how much the Academy loves to give that award to debutantes. Still though, she was very impressive for such a young woman. I keep trying to write what was so great about her performance, but I can't really find the words for it. She just managed to take the part (which, admittedly, was great) and invest it with even more depth and complexity, but all in a very subdued sort of way. Very awesome, and worth seeing the movie if only for her.
That's about all I've got for Atonement at the moment.
In other news, it's Valentine's Day, so enjoy that all of you with peeps. I will be enjoying it with some gym action (the workout kind), some Xbox360 purchasing action, and a giant heart-shaped brownie courtesy of TBell. And maybe an episode or two of Lost. And maybe five hours of Mass Effect once everyone goes to bed. I need to work on buffing up my gamerscore from scratch. Sad day! It'll be good times though.
Til next time, kids.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Mass Effect Retardation - UPDATE!
Hello, reader, and welcome to my corner of the intarwebs. As you may have noted yesterday, I got a little heated in my discussion of Fox News' treatment of the video game, Mass Effect. Seeing as I discovered the story via several gaming industry blogs, I was hardly the only one to flip out over the unfair treatment the game received on Fox. But today, I come bearing happy news. Not only has the gaming community pulled a stupendous prank on the Amazon page for Cooper Lawrence's new book, The Cult of Perfection, but EA (the company that owns Bioware) released a statement urging Fox to clean up its story and directly refutes the lies that were claimed about Mass Effect.
First, the prank. Seeing as Lawrence spent the Fox segment basically spouting total shit about a game she admitted to never having played, gamers have flooded the Amazon reviews section for her books with one-star reviews in which the comments are typically along the lines of, "There's full on sex that is inappropriate for the children this book targets. I've never read it, but I feel secure in making judgments about it." There have been over 500 of these reviews in the last few days. Now, obviously, there's a level of immaturity in doing something like this, but at the same time, it's nice to see some action taken against someone so dangerous to open discussion. Like I said yesterday, I'm happy to watch a group of people with valid, researched opinions on something, but if these negative reviews mean than 100 less people will pick up her crap and think it's valid, then I'm a happy camper.
Secondly, EA released a great statement in which they attack Fox News' assertion that the game has "full digital nudity" (which it doesn't), interactive sex (which it doesn't) and that it is marketed to kids (which it isn't). Even though it's a video game distributor that is doing the defending, it's always nice to see someone with visibility take a stand to defend the integrity of gaming. The guy from EA pointed out that the side-boob and profile shots of the 'sex' scene are no more risque than you see on primetime television, and certainly less than seen in Fox shows like The O.C. and Family Guy, which is a very good point. Also, he points out that the ratings system on video games is more effective than say, the ratings system on TVs. This is also a great point, seeing as network TV is free to watch for anyone with a television. A game like Mass Effect is hardly available to the vast majority of Americans, seeing as there are only around 17.7 million Xbox 360s sold worldwide as of a few weeks ago.
And that, as they say, is that (for now) on Mass Effect. I will be sure to update all of you on my final feelings about the game once I get an HDTV and an Xbox and can finally play through the whole thing. Until then, I'll have to find something else to write about on here.
First, the prank. Seeing as Lawrence spent the Fox segment basically spouting total shit about a game she admitted to never having played, gamers have flooded the Amazon reviews section for her books with one-star reviews in which the comments are typically along the lines of, "There's full on sex that is inappropriate for the children this book targets. I've never read it, but I feel secure in making judgments about it." There have been over 500 of these reviews in the last few days. Now, obviously, there's a level of immaturity in doing something like this, but at the same time, it's nice to see some action taken against someone so dangerous to open discussion. Like I said yesterday, I'm happy to watch a group of people with valid, researched opinions on something, but if these negative reviews mean than 100 less people will pick up her crap and think it's valid, then I'm a happy camper.
Secondly, EA released a great statement in which they attack Fox News' assertion that the game has "full digital nudity" (which it doesn't), interactive sex (which it doesn't) and that it is marketed to kids (which it isn't). Even though it's a video game distributor that is doing the defending, it's always nice to see someone with visibility take a stand to defend the integrity of gaming. The guy from EA pointed out that the side-boob and profile shots of the 'sex' scene are no more risque than you see on primetime television, and certainly less than seen in Fox shows like The O.C. and Family Guy, which is a very good point. Also, he points out that the ratings system on video games is more effective than say, the ratings system on TVs. This is also a great point, seeing as network TV is free to watch for anyone with a television. A game like Mass Effect is hardly available to the vast majority of Americans, seeing as there are only around 17.7 million Xbox 360s sold worldwide as of a few weeks ago.
And that, as they say, is that (for now) on Mass Effect. I will be sure to update all of you on my final feelings about the game once I get an HDTV and an Xbox and can finally play through the whole thing. Until then, I'll have to find something else to write about on here.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Mass Effect Retardation
As usual, my punniness amuses me. Yesterday, I ran across this article in my daily web-browsings, and it (as most articles about video games in the mainstream news tend to) got my panties in a twist. Of course, it's probably too kind to call Fox "News," but they do have a lot of viewers who love to get spood-fed this crap about video games and it pisses me off.
Now, I haven't had the opportunity yet to play through the entirety of Mass Effect yet, though back in November I probably clocked a good 5-10 hours on it. I mean, first of all, this whole "sex scene" that has all these conservatives so flustered is tamer than 90% of PG-13 sex scenes I've ever seen. It features, as the video game guy in this feature says, "the side of an alien boob." It is hardly smut, and on the whole, looks to me to be done in the same cinematic style that the rest of the game is shot in. In short, if this scares them so much, no freaking wonder GTA makes them shit themselves.
But the thing that drives me the craziest is how everyone who offers an opinion on video games that is not actually IN the industry, has absolutely no clue what they are talking about. I'm totally fine with people feeling that a game with alien side-boob is not for them. It's not for everyone. But for God's sake, don't pretend like you know anything about the context of that scene when you're saying things like, "in some parts of this, you’ll see full digital nudity. Imagine! And the ability for the players to engage in graphic sex and the person who’s playing the game gets to decide exactly what’s going to happen between the two people, if you know what I mean…"
STFU, news lady from Fox. I've watched this scene, seeing as it's blasted all over the YouTubes. There is no image of alien or human vajayjay. There are no dangly bits. That alone makes it not "full digital nudity." Secondly, I (and a lot of other people) would no doubt love to see the game where you decide "exactly what's going to happen," because in that case, we'd be living in a world where pigs fly. And I'd like to see that game not get an Adults Only rating. The fact is, that Mass Effect, even from the first chapter that I have played through features so damn much talking, that I've never seen a talkier game. You have to plan out in advance how to even GET to this sex scene, and frankly, I doubt if even the horniest gamers out there are so desperate to see about 10 seconds of fake side-boob that they have to play through 30+ hours of talky-as-hell video game just to see it. I mean, in an age where porn is available for free whenever you want it on the interwebs, that's laughable. This is not a hundred years ago when petticoats got men aroused. It takes more than side-boob.
As an aside, when I was playing this game, I once went about 2-3 hours where I did not fight a single thing. Brennon, at the time, remarked that the game looked horrendously boring because all I was doing was reading shit. I mean, I can't even count the number of times I've read asinine stuff like "gamers don't read" or "gamers just like to shoot things." I think a game with a complex story and an AI capable of modeling a realistic relationship is--and I know this sounds crazy!--probably better for a person to experience than say...a marathon of Dancing with the Stars.
I also hate how all these people keep acting as though this game is designed to be in the hands of like, 12-year old children. It's rated M for a reason. Even this panel on Fox just sits there and says how it makes the job of parents harder to have to watch what their kids are doing. I mean, fracking imagine that. Actually taking a role in your child's development and helping to guide what they can and cannot play. One woman says that if an adult male has this game, his child will play it when he's not home. Well, either lock it up (gee, that was easy) or use the parental controls that are ON THE XBOX360. Freaking educate yourself and you won't have to worry about 11 year old Johnny somehow figuring out how to seduce a woman and sit through 30 hours of game with the possibility of not pissing her off so that she won't have sex with his character.
People's laziness just never ceases to astound me. Parents seem to think that before this age of technology, parenting was some sort of simple cakewalk where they were all perfect little angels.
And I know that Fox is of course going to blow this all out of proportion, but the fact is, stories about Mass Effect have been popping up all over the internet. This is bothersome to me, because as a gamer, these negative stereotypes are utterly ridiculous. The majority of gamers are not, in fact, 12-15. I mean, I will never understand why people insist on thinking that people who play videogames are inherently anti-social. It is no more anti-social than sitting around watching TV, movies, playing solitaire, reading.. All of these are activities typically done alone, or at the very least, don't promote conversation. So why is it that playing games, which is more interactive than any of these things, is seen as the root of all evil. I'm so tired of being seen as just another member of a group supposedly made up of pubescent boys and obese 30 year olds who live with their mothers and never see the light of day. And the fact is, that the media's portrayal of the gaming community in that way simply reinforces the stereotype for a bajillion other people--ones who actually KNOW people who play video games--who buy right into it.
In the end, I just wish people might for once a) look into what they offer an opinion on and b) realize that the gaming community is just that, a community, and not a collection of ultraviolent, emotionally-stunted "losers."
And frack you, Fox.
Now, I haven't had the opportunity yet to play through the entirety of Mass Effect yet, though back in November I probably clocked a good 5-10 hours on it. I mean, first of all, this whole "sex scene" that has all these conservatives so flustered is tamer than 90% of PG-13 sex scenes I've ever seen. It features, as the video game guy in this feature says, "the side of an alien boob." It is hardly smut, and on the whole, looks to me to be done in the same cinematic style that the rest of the game is shot in. In short, if this scares them so much, no freaking wonder GTA makes them shit themselves.
But the thing that drives me the craziest is how everyone who offers an opinion on video games that is not actually IN the industry, has absolutely no clue what they are talking about. I'm totally fine with people feeling that a game with alien side-boob is not for them. It's not for everyone. But for God's sake, don't pretend like you know anything about the context of that scene when you're saying things like, "in some parts of this, you’ll see full digital nudity. Imagine! And the ability for the players to engage in graphic sex and the person who’s playing the game gets to decide exactly what’s going to happen between the two people, if you know what I mean…"
STFU, news lady from Fox. I've watched this scene, seeing as it's blasted all over the YouTubes. There is no image of alien or human vajayjay. There are no dangly bits. That alone makes it not "full digital nudity." Secondly, I (and a lot of other people) would no doubt love to see the game where you decide "exactly what's going to happen," because in that case, we'd be living in a world where pigs fly. And I'd like to see that game not get an Adults Only rating. The fact is, that Mass Effect, even from the first chapter that I have played through features so damn much talking, that I've never seen a talkier game. You have to plan out in advance how to even GET to this sex scene, and frankly, I doubt if even the horniest gamers out there are so desperate to see about 10 seconds of fake side-boob that they have to play through 30+ hours of talky-as-hell video game just to see it. I mean, in an age where porn is available for free whenever you want it on the interwebs, that's laughable. This is not a hundred years ago when petticoats got men aroused. It takes more than side-boob.
As an aside, when I was playing this game, I once went about 2-3 hours where I did not fight a single thing. Brennon, at the time, remarked that the game looked horrendously boring because all I was doing was reading shit. I mean, I can't even count the number of times I've read asinine stuff like "gamers don't read" or "gamers just like to shoot things." I think a game with a complex story and an AI capable of modeling a realistic relationship is--and I know this sounds crazy!--probably better for a person to experience than say...a marathon of Dancing with the Stars.
I also hate how all these people keep acting as though this game is designed to be in the hands of like, 12-year old children. It's rated M for a reason. Even this panel on Fox just sits there and says how it makes the job of parents harder to have to watch what their kids are doing. I mean, fracking imagine that. Actually taking a role in your child's development and helping to guide what they can and cannot play. One woman says that if an adult male has this game, his child will play it when he's not home. Well, either lock it up (gee, that was easy) or use the parental controls that are ON THE XBOX360. Freaking educate yourself and you won't have to worry about 11 year old Johnny somehow figuring out how to seduce a woman and sit through 30 hours of game with the possibility of not pissing her off so that she won't have sex with his character.
People's laziness just never ceases to astound me. Parents seem to think that before this age of technology, parenting was some sort of simple cakewalk where they were all perfect little angels.
And I know that Fox is of course going to blow this all out of proportion, but the fact is, stories about Mass Effect have been popping up all over the internet. This is bothersome to me, because as a gamer, these negative stereotypes are utterly ridiculous. The majority of gamers are not, in fact, 12-15. I mean, I will never understand why people insist on thinking that people who play videogames are inherently anti-social. It is no more anti-social than sitting around watching TV, movies, playing solitaire, reading.. All of these are activities typically done alone, or at the very least, don't promote conversation. So why is it that playing games, which is more interactive than any of these things, is seen as the root of all evil. I'm so tired of being seen as just another member of a group supposedly made up of pubescent boys and obese 30 year olds who live with their mothers and never see the light of day. And the fact is, that the media's portrayal of the gaming community in that way simply reinforces the stereotype for a bajillion other people--ones who actually KNOW people who play video games--who buy right into it.
In the end, I just wish people might for once a) look into what they offer an opinion on and b) realize that the gaming community is just that, a community, and not a collection of ultraviolent, emotionally-stunted "losers."
And frack you, Fox.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
Let Me Pencil That In
Dearest Journalman of My Soul,
In keeping with the trend of confessing my darkest secrets to you, I have another one: Google is taking over my life. It has everything I could ever need to organize my otherwise whirlwind of a life. In fact, the How-To of the Day today on my Google homepage is How To Balance School and Word as an Adult, something that I personally find useful, seeing as I do just that. And it gave me some useful tips, such as opening an online calendar to keep track of tests and work things and to schedule study time. I think this is fantastic, so I went ahead and added my whole life to my calendar. Now, if only I had a blackberry and could check my Google Calendar from anywhere.
(Side note: The best part of my job-- getting called sweetie by giant African men. I don't know if this is just because they want to suck up and think that's the best way into my heart, or whether it's because I'm such a flaming queen that they assume I'm a woman, but...I hope not the latter.)
Well, last night I decided to delve once more into the wonderful world of making Chili. Jenna has this amazing(ly easy) recipe, involving beef/turkey, bell peppers, onions and a crapton of canned beans, tomatoes, tomato sauce and refried beans. It fills a giant soup pot to the rim, which is totally awesome, but since my kitchen stuff is totally disorganized, it led to a lack of tupperware to contain my concoction. I ended up bringing about a gallon of it to work today in the hopes that someone will help me to eat it all. I'm slowly building up a repertoire of foodstuffs that I can cook. This is going against years of being kept out of the kitchen when my mom cooked dinner and only being allowed to assist during cake- or cookie-making. I still have a phobia of baking pies because she couldn't do it. You'd think this would cause me to be more motivated to bake a freaking pie, just to prove that I'm a better baker, but it just makes me nervous. But I'm very much into cooking my own meals right now. I've been spending entirely too much money on eating out and ordering in (not to mention booze and video games...or crack). Last night's bean and beef extravaganza cost me a total of 27 dollars and probably yielded something around 15 servings. Pretty good, I'd say.
In other news, I have some sort of uncontrollable urge to own every edition of every Final Fantasy game, even when one version is fully sufficient. Take Final Fantasy IV. I played it on Super Nintendo, I've played the original SNES version on an emulator, I've played the harder JP version of the SNES game on an emulator, I bought FF IV Advance for the Game Boy Advance, despite having already played and beaten the one Chris owned. Now, to taunt me, they are developing a DS version of Final Fantasy IV, which I imagine will include some touch screen capabilities like the DS version of Final Fantasy III (which I found insanely dull after a while). I am hoping (obviously) that this version of Final Fantasy IV will have some more enhanced touch screen stuff, but it's unlikely, because honestly what would you add to a Final Fantasy game that would require a touch screen. Maybe at least they'll do something with the two screens. FFIII DS just put a stupid world map on the top screen, which made it silly that there was a button to pull up the world map, because it just copied what was on the top screen onto the bottom screen and what's the point of that!? REALLY NOW! At least I completed the GBA version of FFIV before this one is created. It would be sad if they released a DS version of FFVI, because I'd buy it and I haven't even done the extra content on FFVI Advance yet.
Ok, I'm geeked out. I may have just lost some of the few friends I have left.
Love,
Me
In keeping with the trend of confessing my darkest secrets to you, I have another one: Google is taking over my life. It has everything I could ever need to organize my otherwise whirlwind of a life. In fact, the How-To of the Day today on my Google homepage is How To Balance School and Word as an Adult, something that I personally find useful, seeing as I do just that. And it gave me some useful tips, such as opening an online calendar to keep track of tests and work things and to schedule study time. I think this is fantastic, so I went ahead and added my whole life to my calendar. Now, if only I had a blackberry and could check my Google Calendar from anywhere.
(Side note: The best part of my job-- getting called sweetie by giant African men. I don't know if this is just because they want to suck up and think that's the best way into my heart, or whether it's because I'm such a flaming queen that they assume I'm a woman, but...I hope not the latter.)
Well, last night I decided to delve once more into the wonderful world of making Chili. Jenna has this amazing(ly easy) recipe, involving beef/turkey, bell peppers, onions and a crapton of canned beans, tomatoes, tomato sauce and refried beans. It fills a giant soup pot to the rim, which is totally awesome, but since my kitchen stuff is totally disorganized, it led to a lack of tupperware to contain my concoction. I ended up bringing about a gallon of it to work today in the hopes that someone will help me to eat it all. I'm slowly building up a repertoire of foodstuffs that I can cook. This is going against years of being kept out of the kitchen when my mom cooked dinner and only being allowed to assist during cake- or cookie-making. I still have a phobia of baking pies because she couldn't do it. You'd think this would cause me to be more motivated to bake a freaking pie, just to prove that I'm a better baker, but it just makes me nervous. But I'm very much into cooking my own meals right now. I've been spending entirely too much money on eating out and ordering in (not to mention booze and video games...or crack). Last night's bean and beef extravaganza cost me a total of 27 dollars and probably yielded something around 15 servings. Pretty good, I'd say.
In other news, I have some sort of uncontrollable urge to own every edition of every Final Fantasy game, even when one version is fully sufficient. Take Final Fantasy IV. I played it on Super Nintendo, I've played the original SNES version on an emulator, I've played the harder JP version of the SNES game on an emulator, I bought FF IV Advance for the Game Boy Advance, despite having already played and beaten the one Chris owned. Now, to taunt me, they are developing a DS version of Final Fantasy IV, which I imagine will include some touch screen capabilities like the DS version of Final Fantasy III (which I found insanely dull after a while). I am hoping (obviously) that this version of Final Fantasy IV will have some more enhanced touch screen stuff, but it's unlikely, because honestly what would you add to a Final Fantasy game that would require a touch screen. Maybe at least they'll do something with the two screens. FFIII DS just put a stupid world map on the top screen, which made it silly that there was a button to pull up the world map, because it just copied what was on the top screen onto the bottom screen and what's the point of that!? REALLY NOW! At least I completed the GBA version of FFIV before this one is created. It would be sad if they released a DS version of FFVI, because I'd buy it and I haven't even done the extra content on FFVI Advance yet.
Ok, I'm geeked out. I may have just lost some of the few friends I have left.
Love,
Me
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Forum Trolls and Onion Knights
Journalman,
We meet again. You come here often? My place or yours? Rawr.
In a fit of RPG-mania I purchased a Nintendo DS over the weekend, in addition to three RPGs on Amazon.com (Final Fantasies IV, VI and Tactics Advance) and one with the DS (Final Fantasy III DS). Now, some might say that that is a mite excessive with the RPGs. After all, a good RPG takes anywhere from 50-70 hours to finish in a reasonably completionist manner. That's a significant number of days of my life slated forbrain-rotting enhancing my strategery strategy.
I began with Final Fantasy III, as the other games have not shipped to me yet. This game hearkens back to the Ye Olde Dayes of White Mages and Black Mages, but they re-vamped it to be 3D and they gave the heroes personalities. Go figure. Way to ruin it!
Anyway, liking as I do to be absolutely perfect in RPGS, I read every single FAQ I could get my hands on and discovered a secret class obtainable only through use of the DS's stupid Wi-Fi system. Now, since I have about four friends total, and I'm the first to own a DS, this is clearly an impossible feat. Fie on the DS people. Or is my fie premature?
I decided to do a little trolling of the message boardsat GameFaqs to discover a solution to my seemingly insurmountable problem. It turns out, people exchange Friend Codes ALL THE TIME! So, I made a little account and posted asking for some friends. Two people replied, so we added each other and when I approached the moogle mail system next time, I had a letter awaiting me from Jeff. Jeff sent me a stamp for Master Devout (I've yet to discover what that means/does for me, but I'm excited regardless). So now, with a few more Moogle Letters and some hard work, I may just unlock the Onion Knight class for my dear sweet party. Granted, the Onion Knight supposedly sucks until you reach level 94 or so, but I'm diligent and hard-working and I will make it through the rain.
Love,
Henry A. Tilney
We meet again. You come here often? My place or yours? Rawr.
In a fit of RPG-mania I purchased a Nintendo DS over the weekend, in addition to three RPGs on Amazon.com (Final Fantasies IV, VI and Tactics Advance) and one with the DS (Final Fantasy III DS). Now, some might say that that is a mite excessive with the RPGs. After all, a good RPG takes anywhere from 50-70 hours to finish in a reasonably completionist manner. That's a significant number of days of my life slated for
I began with Final Fantasy III, as the other games have not shipped to me yet. This game hearkens back to the Ye Olde Dayes of White Mages and Black Mages, but they re-vamped it to be 3D and they gave the heroes personalities. Go figure. Way to ruin it!
Anyway, liking as I do to be absolutely perfect in RPGS, I read every single FAQ I could get my hands on and discovered a secret class obtainable only through use of the DS's stupid Wi-Fi system. Now, since I have about four friends total, and I'm the first to own a DS, this is clearly an impossible feat. Fie on the DS people. Or is my fie premature?
I decided to do a little trolling of the message boardsat GameFaqs to discover a solution to my seemingly insurmountable problem. It turns out, people exchange Friend Codes ALL THE TIME! So, I made a little account and posted asking for some friends. Two people replied, so we added each other and when I approached the moogle mail system next time, I had a letter awaiting me from Jeff. Jeff sent me a stamp for Master Devout (I've yet to discover what that means/does for me, but I'm excited regardless). So now, with a few more Moogle Letters and some hard work, I may just unlock the Onion Knight class for my dear sweet party. Granted, the Onion Knight supposedly sucks until you reach level 94 or so, but I'm diligent and hard-working and I will make it through the rain.
Love,
Henry A. Tilney
Friday, March 30, 2007
Thy Bosoms Are Indeed Pendulous
Dearest Journalman,
Only six posts in the several months since I began this blog, (Dear sweet Jesus, I really enjoy this font) and I have yet to delve into the secret world within the pendulous bosoms of a stripper on the run. That's mostly because a blog devoted entirely to the thoracic cavity would bore you, my loyal journalman, and it is for thee that I write. When I was a child, not only did I win the hearts and minds of the teaching staff at my elementary school through strategically-placed hugs and apples, (Oh, the possibilities!) but I also played a lot of video games. Less hugging and apple-placing occurs now (at least with my educators), but I am still a loser who plays far too many games. One of them used to be Dragon Warrior. You played a random hero who first saved the princess from the dragon in the cave (original!) and later defeated the Dragon Lord. You could be named any of 456,976 names, given the four spaces available to you. My brother and I, naturally, stuck with the simple and to-the-opoint "THY." So struck were we by the profusion of thys, thees, thines and thous that we decided we might as well add to the mix and have them refer to our hero/ourselves as THY. Sample dialogue:
KING: THY! Thy sword swing true at thine enemies. Thou art our only hope, THY. Our hopes go with thee, THY.
THY: ::stands there silently::
THY did his damnedest, trudging through dark, dank caves and poisonous swamps in search of the Faery Flute--the only item capable of neutralizing the deadly Gold Golem. In subsequent play-throughs, we would rename our hero THEE or THOU, just to spice things up, as we slayed dragons and slimes alike.
In other news, the stress of exam time has caused me to gnaw off most of my nails. I find this to be very obnoxious. I had, after all, been doing so well, but I backslid into my old habits. I shall simply have to force myself to take conscious control of my own actions again. Whatev.
As we go into thislong weekend, let us reflect on the fact that bosoms are only pendulous if they are large/old/fake and that is a-ok.
Yours in life and as long as the internet persists,
Henry A. Tilney
Only six posts in the several months since I began this blog, (Dear sweet Jesus, I really enjoy this font) and I have yet to delve into the secret world within the pendulous bosoms of a stripper on the run. That's mostly because a blog devoted entirely to the thoracic cavity would bore you, my loyal journalman, and it is for thee that I write. When I was a child, not only did I win the hearts and minds of the teaching staff at my elementary school through strategically-placed hugs and apples, (Oh, the possibilities!) but I also played a lot of video games. Less hugging and apple-placing occurs now (at least with my educators), but I am still a loser who plays far too many games. One of them used to be Dragon Warrior. You played a random hero who first saved the princess from the dragon in the cave (original!) and later defeated the Dragon Lord. You could be named any of 456,976 names, given the four spaces available to you. My brother and I, naturally, stuck with the simple and to-the-opoint "THY." So struck were we by the profusion of thys, thees, thines and thous that we decided we might as well add to the mix and have them refer to our hero/ourselves as THY. Sample dialogue:
KING: THY! Thy sword swing true at thine enemies. Thou art our only hope, THY. Our hopes go with thee, THY.
THY: ::stands there silently::
THY did his damnedest, trudging through dark, dank caves and poisonous swamps in search of the Faery Flute--the only item capable of neutralizing the deadly Gold Golem. In subsequent play-throughs, we would rename our hero THEE or THOU, just to spice things up, as we slayed dragons and slimes alike.
In other news, the stress of exam time has caused me to gnaw off most of my nails. I find this to be very obnoxious. I had, after all, been doing so well, but I backslid into my old habits. I shall simply have to force myself to take conscious control of my own actions again. Whatev.
As we go into this
Yours in life and as long as the internet persists,
Henry A. Tilney
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